When Your Biggest Enemy Is You: Learning to Trust Yourself

Have you ever doubted yourself? It’s common and easy to fall into that pattern. Learn what happens when you lose your confidence, and start taking the steps to trust yourself and those around you.

This week I had a lot of trouble coming up with a topic for my live broadcast. Every day I’d come up with a new one, but they just weren’t resonating. Time was running out and I was beginning to do what I normally do: wake up in the middle of the night and stress, panic, worry… Instead of trusting that I would come up with an idea by the deadline, I was doubting myself, my worth, and my possibilities. The obvious topic I wasn’t seeing was staring right at me. It was me, and my lack of trust in myself!

This got me thinking… It seems like babies are born with full trust and love. They’re a clean slate. It’s life experiences, society, and environment that begin to chip away at your acceptance. You start to mistrust others as a way to mask your lack of trust in yourself. It’s easy to blame others for your own errors. What happens when you are not trusting others is your mask is set in place and you’re squeezing yourself into a tight little ball – closing out the world around you, while pretty much shutting down your faith in yourself.

I suppose that’s what happened to me and my confidence around finding just the right topic. I allowed myself to, as I say, get into the weeds and lose all sense of confidence while doubting myself.

A coach once asked me, “Debbie, have you ever had a deadline in the past that you missed?” I thought about that, and thought, No. I always did what I set out to do, on time. So, why all the stress and doubt? What a waste of time and energy! And so now, when I see myself heading into those weeds, I have to remember to trust myself, relax and trust that there will be an outcome.

So how do you step out of your weeds and start to trust yourself?

First of all, be kind to yourself. Remember, no one is perfect. Also, those out there who have a mask of perfection are probably the ones who have the least amount of self- confidence and trust in themselves.

Next, take a look at why you are judging yourself so harshly. What are you afraid of? Maybe it’s believing the criticism of others. Believing the labels you were given or gave yourself, such as “weak” or “ignorant.”

And then, start to focus on what is “good” about you – your strengths and what you like about yourself. Write down these thoughts. They’ll be concrete when you begin to doubt yourself; you’ll see them in front of you, and that could help with your self-esteem.