How Not to Lose Yourself in Relationships

It’s easy to lose yourself in your relationships. How can you get back to being you? And how can finding your passion and inspiration help define yourself?

What I’m writing about applies to all relationships, not just romantic relationships. It could be your family, your friends, and even work relationships. All of these have one thing in common… you. You and what values you bring to this relationship.

Everyone knows that relations between 2 people are difficult. You’re working hard on the two of you, but you may begin to forget about yourself and your needs.

In romantic relationships, you start off easy in the beginning. You don’t have to try hard to connect; you just do. And naturally you lose yourself in all those endorphins and excitement and love and lust. And after a while, the real deal sets in. That unbelievable energy dwindles, and you just fall into the regular rhythms you two have created. You might start to wonder where you fit in now, and you might say Well, I’m in a solid relationship now, I’m set, We’re a We now. Your motivation to work on yourself declines and you become complacent.

So, how do you find yourself again, and get to know your values in your relationship?

Let’s take a look at a seemingly successful relationship. What is it that makes it a success? If you are in that kind of relationship, what do you feel is one of the most important values? There’s no right or wrong answer. If you ask 20 people, you’ll probably get 20 different answers. There are so many values in a relationship, such as honesty, forgiveness and respect.

In my relationship with my husband, my most important value is communication. Just keep talking. If there’s an issue, we talk until it’s mutually resolved. This gives us both a sense of well-being within ourselves without losing our individuality. At the same time, in accomplishing this mutual understanding we have a deeper sense of the other person.

A common pitfall in relationships that’s sometimes overlooked is expectations. You can easily lose yourself if you are disappointed. If we expect something, then what we’re doing is depending on someone else for something that is missing in us. Think about it. An example: Maybe you’re expecting your friend to call you to do something together on Saturday. And they don’t. And you’re disappointed, feeling now you have nothing to do. You might feel abandoned because you were assuming this was going to happen.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced expectations. It’s hard not to because you’re hopeful it will work out the way you thought. That’s human nature. Think about a time when you had expectations and the outcome was disappointing. How long did you hang on this disappointment? How do you feel you might have lost yourself in this expectation? And what did you learn about yourself from this situation?

Here are some suggestions if you want to find yourself in your relationship again. Start by picking one of your relationships you want to work on. First, write down some of your important values in this relationship. This will help you begin to become aware of your sense of self.

Second, think about the 1 or 2 things that bring you happiness and fulfillment. Things you love to do. Try to do them as often as possible to remind yourself that you are making the choice to develop your individuality. These activities could bring you a renewed spark and excitement that you felt were lacking before. The only difference is, you’re in control, you’re not dependent on the other person to provide these sparks.

These few examples are a beginning for you to find the strength and self-awareness that might help you find yourself again in your relationships.